Ode to Mary Shelley and Frida Kahlo
I found the inspiration (and lighting) in this photo 
and have begun to solidify the beginning of the dance 
For me, Mary Shelley Wollstonecraft was not a willing player in her life. Feel free to express your view if you think differently, but when I think of Mary I think of someone who was trying to conform and keep her love, Percy Bysshe Shelley. Percy was a lover of sex, drugs, and chance... and even though he was married he ran off with Mary and her step-sister Claire Clairmont (who he also took as a lover). (A couple years later, his wife committed suicide and Mary and Percy wed) It was through the consummation of Mary and Percy that Frankenstein would emerge when their 4th baby died as a young boy (all others were miscarriages) and Mary felt a huge loss in her heart and dreamed of bringing her boy back to life. I also think it's a cool side-note to mention that her Mom (Mary Wollstonecraft) was a feminist and HUGE advocate for art education. If this story interests you at all may I recommend an interesting (and erotically bizarre) movie, "Gothic". Here are some DA artists who have also captured Mary Shelley's fascination in their art work...
My other leading lady is no other than Frida (fiesty) Kahlo. She is so truthful and brutally honest that I can only admire her. At one point I thought her paintings were loose and emotional... and then! Wow, I saw her use tight realism first hand and have only fallen in love with her work and thoughts more. When Frida was young she fought polio and spinal bifida by being a lively and active participant in life. As a teen she was in a trolley wreck where a pole from the car went up the back of her spine. They thought she would never be able to walk again and yet she paraded bravely through politics, love, and tragedy. Much like Mary, Frida had infinite relationship with a man (Diego Rivera) who was addicted to sex and had an affair with her sister. Frida was devastated but retaliated by having her own sexual encounters outside the marriage. The most infamous of these was with Leon Trotsky. Another similarity between the two women was their history of miscarriages. They both desperately wanted the love of a child and could not attain their deepest desire. A movie that I felt was relevant to Frida's policies was self-titled, "Frida". Here are some more wonderful works of Frida by current DA artists...
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For my traditional gallery check out my other site, Aartsee1
and for photos see And-What-Not 
Of course I have to include my Dad in this bleep... Arnies-Corner 
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Artistic
Your h.s. teaching and art careers seem to have each been taking off and moving forward, so I'm somewhat reluctant to mention this, but just in case, here goes: from what you've experienced or read on cancer survivors, is there a name for the state of mind that basically stays in a why-should-I-waste-time-with-buying-a-new-house-or-getting-a-promotion-or-raising-children-if-I-could-die-tomorrow?
i.e. I'm starting to realize that in the loooooong term, it's not that I'm worried about my Hodgkin's Disease returning or about cancer or illness per se, but it's as if I'm still stuck in the survival mode that allowed my brain to make it through the cancer and chemo ordeal with all sanity intact. However, now that the cancer is long gone, shouldn't I have returned to "normal" in terms of eagerly wanting to live the American Dream?
ex. Last week I went on an all-volunteer river clean-up day where 68 of us went in canoes down a river stopping at the banks and sandbars to pick up beer cans, tarps, old tires, pizza boxes, etc. Keep in mind this is only the 2nd time I've ever been canoeing, and it was mentally, physically, and emotionally enjoyable! (I'm still kinda amazed and proud that I signed up for such an out-of-the-blue activity.) Yet, while I don't have qualms about signing up and doing these short-term unusual activities which are really out-of-the-way in terms of a person's everyday life, I don't have the ambition that my friends have. i.e. They wouldn't take a motorcycle class, but I wouldn't want to buy a house, go back for (yet another) degree/profession/career, marry, have children, run for public office, or even move to a bigger apartment.
It's like the line out of that song, "...young man sitting at an old man's bar, waiting for his time to die." Yet, I'm not unhappy per se, I just have this odd lack of long-term ambition, initiative, or drive. Ever since the chemo was deemed a success, I've emotionally remained as this 80 year-old man living in the body of someone half his age, like I became at peace with my own mortality but now I'm still stuck there, not dying anymore but not moving forward either. (or what society traditionally refers to as moving forward. I'm vaguely aware there are plenty of loners in society who vote, go to work, pay taxes, get along with their neighbors, and they're fine with being alone on the same page for half-a-century at a stretch. Hmmm. I could do with meeting more of them in person or in biographies, tho.)
Anyway, I just wanted your feedback on this post-cancer state of mind. For all I know your oncologist gave you pamphlets and classes and everything to describe the exact phenomenon I mentioned above. Again, it's not a bitter depressive slump or giving up on life, it's more akin to just not wanting to be greedily moving forward when I subconsciously know I should be happy to be alive period. (Also, it's weird that for the first time in my life I can understand why many guys stereotypically and traditionally fear commitment and even desert their wives and kids. This is made weirder since I'm not married and don't have any offspring.)
So, any ideas?
Here’s another… my friends went through their "baby-boom" and I thought, "Am I missing out"? Why don't I want a child, aren’t woman suppose to crave Motherhood. "What's wrong with me", and then I realized... "It’s just because I don't want children". Call it being the youngest... but I love my freedom... and it just so happens that "Art and Creativity" are what drives and inspires me so that’s why you see me evolving in those fields. Life is always changing, and we need to challenge and accept ourselves not to be “normal” because we have so much more potential. And by this conversation I know you haven’t given up but are searching for enlightenment.
So here was the BIG question I came upon today when driving home, and we've talked about this a lot but it still gets me (and so I am working through it STILL). People saying, "Well, you have so much to live for now, you must be so grateful, I bet you enjoy the smaller things in life more" all referring to MY bout with cancer. And in my mind I realized the answer, as cold as it may sound; these are the statements that are said by people with cancer to comfort others because we realize this is just a “
Yes, I am a comedy routine, I am an old person stuck in a young woman's body… and I’m learning to embrace both characters so that they play nicely together. (All others are causalities… good and bad) I don't hold on to how I feel and often blurt out what I am thinking because life IS too short. And sometimes, yes, I just feel like a vessel, but not my heart and spirit... those I feel deeply... it's in the way I laugh, create art, and "get down to business". I guess I choose to travel so I can figure out my various identities and maybe say "good-bye" and "hello" to how vast the universe is and its bigger plan. And I love teaching and creating literal marks of my history because I know that I can live on through others.
I tell you this in complete stupidity and astounding belief (yes, at the same time)... there is a God, I felt Him every step of the way and know this is the only reason my heart beats. When I prayed for relief during the chemo sleep came without a moment’s hesitation. (And I know this won't always the way it will be) Yes, I grew up learning through a church, but as I get older I realize that nothing limits Him and His curiosity about us, and we shouldn't try to bind Him to the walls of "one" building because He resides within us. A little secret, in one of my strongest moments as a person I told God "He could do with me as he pleased" and when I felt the lump less than a year later I knew I had cancer and I knew everything was going to be alright because there was a plan, and it was going to change a lot of lives. I never felt alone in my faith. I believe life goes on in memories and what we leave behind (or don’t) and there's something better. I believe we are accountable in this life for how we treat "our neighbor" which is also the world we live in (which is why I am sure you’re outing felt good). And I know that my resentments are also mistakes that I have made and I need to work through and understand what it means to be human.
There are a lot of things we have to work on and I just think our battle is more pronounced because of it's uniqueness. WHICH!! (speaking of battles) Guess what... I cut my hair for the first time in 9 years on Tuesday. This was so huge for me. I was afraid if I cut my hair I would loose control... but the opposite happened, I opened up. Not only that, I dyed it red!! I new it was a bit more daring (like in my youth) But then I thought, hey, “why not just have fun! What are you living for if not for your life!?” And I love it!
I think it’s great we have each other to talk to… because I need a friend like you… someone who understands. Honestly, you don't know how much your note meant to me today as I was going through some of my own trials. You helped me answer and reflect on a lot of questions and anxieties that I was going through. You got me back on track by taking a deep breathe and listening to my own advice and history. I am really appreciative of the gift you gave me tonight... thank you John.
PS- I leave for China Monday! A goal I set for myself a long time ago... I am happy to say I'm going to make it to this landmark!
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I am also known as "Aartsee1" [link] -traditional work
BTW, that's beyond awesome that you're going to China. I really need to travel more soon myself. (The hard part for me is that I detest how the airline industry and the Dept. of Homeland Security treat law-abiding citizens at airports nowadays, and it's kinda hard to justify to my family and businessplace why I need to go on an "enlightenment" trip.)
Also ironically, well not so ironically come to think of it...
I will share my memories of my trip like I did last time so maybe you'll get to (sorta) take the adventure through my eyes.
Talk to you soon and it was nice to hear from you again-
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I am also known as "Aartsee1" [link] -traditional work
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I am also known as "Aartsee1" [link] -traditional work
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-you must destroy and revive
destroy and forget-
*CollaborativeCorpse
My Website
:-D
Granted, I'm not gonna go out and buy a bike. I just wanted to possess the "how-to" skill, not so much possess a physical object. (I'd have to spend even more money for the helmet and protective gear and then have nowhere to store the thing over winter, which is most of the year here. When it snows and blows all day on Palm Sunday, that's not exactly a great region to own a motorcycle in IMO. My pickup can barely fit into these apartment garages under the best of conditions, either. LOL)
Nonetheless, I can now ride one. Not professionally. Not very well. But I can ride one correctly (while enjoying the very act of operating the vehcile) and that's good enough for me. LOL I can now do a skill that I didn't possess in my pre-cancer life, and that's what life, education, and progress are all about IMO.
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I am also known as "Aartsee1" [link] -traditional work
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englsih: [link]
spanish: [link]
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